Don’t Fall Asleep
Don’t Fall Asleep was an experiment with body horror in speculative fiction. It tells the story of a girl in Ghana who slowly transforms into a bird. It was published in the first edition of the Journal of the Writers Project of Ghana.
Monday, September 20th
I dreamt I was flying last night. I looked down at Accra’s lights and let the warm breeze fill my wings as I drifted lazily above the city. I could see people scurrying around like ants and the mice that darted in the shadows just out of their view. I tucked my silent wings in and dived toward the street, snatching up one of the unsuspecting rodents in my talons. I felt like the queen of the skies.
I usually don’t remember my dreams but this one stuck with me. I sat up in bed after I woke up and stared out of the open window at the sparrows that flit between trees. I never noticed how pretty they are. I sat for so long that I forgot to wake Junior and get him ready for school. Mama was very angry and said that I was letting the family down. I felt bad about that so I will fry some plantain for her when she gets back from work tonight.
Tuesday, September 21st
I had the flying dream again last night, but there was no breeze to carry me and I had to flap really hard to stay in the air. My wings got tired and I searched for somewhere to land but I was over the ocean. I sped toward the city lights and flew past the window of a tall building where I caught sight of my reflection. I was a silver-gray owl with a flat, white face and yellow feet that ended in wickedly curved talons. I was so enamored by my reflection that I flew straight into a billboard and almost broke a wing. I couldn’t hunt after that and limped through the air to a large neem tree. There was a hollow near the top of the trunk that would be a good spot for a nest.
When I woke up this morning, my arm was sore and I had a pounding headache. I must have slept on it wrong; at least that’s what I’m telling myself. The flying dream was just a dream right?
Junior keeps staring at me and didn’t eat his breakfast this morning. I tried to get him to finish his food before taking him to school, but we were running late so we had to go. He didn’t hold my hand on the walk today, he’s becoming a big boy now I suppose. I know boys like to feel grown so early, but I have always been his big sister and I don’t want to stop now. Maybe I’ll get him some ice cream after school? He always liked that.
Wednesday, September 22nd
I have had a fever all day today and I’m exhausted. I can barely remember if I dreamed but I feel like I haven’t slept in days. Mama took time off work to take me to the clinic. She didn’t speak to me on the ride there, and kept on sighing in the way she does when she is frustrated. She gave me a dirty look when she pulled cash out of her purse to pay for my consultation.
The doctor said I have fatigue symptoms but Mama laughed and said I sleep the most in the house. I think she was just joking but it still hurt. The doctor said I need more rest and fluids, and suggested I take some time off school. Mama wouldn’t hear of it. She knows that if I’m sick, she will have to take Junior to school so she wants to believe I’m fine. She thinks I’m faking it to get out of class, but my fever doesn’t lie.
When we got home, she made light soup full of goat meat but I wasn’t hungry. I asked Junior if he wanted to come and lie down with me like we did when we were younger but he said he had homework.
Friday, September 24th
I didn’t go to school yesterday or today on the doctor’s orders and lay down in the living room. I’m home alone and I’ve been coughing a lot. I fell asleep on the couch but when I woke up I was outside on the porch. There were gray feathers on the floor around me. I dragged myself back inside and tried to eat some of the light soup Mama made but it made me feel sick.
My fever isn’t breaking and I’m scared. I remember when Junior got typhoid, he had to stay home for 2 weeks and I don’t want to stay cooped up here. He was vomiting and shaking and couldn’t leave his room. We have a school dance coming up next week and no one will ask me to go with them if I’m not around. Junior has been avoiding me. Mama warned him against getting too close in case I infected him with whatever was going on with me, but he always used to find ways to sneak time with me anyway.
Monday, September 27th
In my dream last night, I built up the nest in the neem tree. I found little strips of cloth, twigs, and leaves that made the nook comfortable. Then it was time to hunt. I floated high above a group of twittering sparrows and dropped on them like a brick. I took my quarry back to the nest and ate it whole.
When I woke up today, I was on the street outside the house just before sunrise with a stray dog licking my foot. I was covered in dirt and my whole body ached as if I ran a marathon. I snuck inside with a bucket of water before Mama and Junior woke up to wash off. When I looked at my face in the mirror, my eyes were bloodshot, and I had huge bags under my eyes.
I also coughed up a gray feather.
I nearly fainted when I saw it. I panicked and flushed it down the toilet, I didn’t want Mama to see it. I’m afraid she will send me to a prayer camp. I heard one of her brothers got sent to a prayer camp because they said he was mad and he lived there for the rest of his short life. That won’t be me. I’m not mad.
Wednesday, September 29th
I haven’t slept in two days. I don’t want to dream again, but I don’t know how long I can keep this up. Junior went away on a boy scouts trip so it’s just me and Mama here, and she is too wrapped up in her work to realize that I’m losing my mind. I’m having a hard time telling what is real and what isn’t with so little sleep. I’m starting to see feathers everywhere. I scratched my arm until I bled earlier because I thought I saw some poking out. I swear the sparrows outside my window are watching me from the trees.
The doctor came to the house today to check up on me and gave me some pills to help me sleep. I pretended to take them but I spat them out when he wasn’t looking. I don’t know what’s happening but I’m pretty sure the grownups don’t either, and I’ve seen the way they deal with things they don’t understand. A few weeks ago, one of the older girls got a nose piercing and the grownups kept her in a prayer circle for three days. They didn’t even let her eat. Mama said fasting cleanses the soul. Do I need my soul cleansed?
Thursday, September 30th
Day three without sleep. I can’t talk to anyone about this except you, journal. What if they think I’m crazy? What if I am crazy? I miss Junior. I feel so alone here. I’ve started going to sit in his room to read his comic books to feel better. He is always working on little contraptions that he learns about online. He has an old slingshot that he made out of some branches and a piece of rubber. I remember he chased me everywhere with it for weeks until Mama made him stop.
I was digging through his closet to find the next X-men issue when I found a little package wrapped in cloth, tucked underneath a stack of comics. I unwrapped it to find a bird’s talon with strange symbols carved into it. He’s coming back tomorrow; I have to talk to him about this.
Friday, October 1st
I confronted Junior today before Mama came back from work. I asked him why he has been avoiding me and where he got the talon in his room. His eyes went wide when I mentioned the talon and he got very angry. He started yelling at me about privacy and then broke down in tears, saying he was sorry.
I couldn’t get him to tell me what he was sorry for but he kept saying it over and over. He covered his face with his little hands and wouldn’t stop crying. I slapped him. I’d never hit him before, but it was the only way I could think to get him to calm down.
He said some of the older boys gave it to him at school and told him it would give him powers, like the X-men. He gave them his lunch money for it. They told him if he hid it in his room, he would be able to fly.
I felt sick when he told me, and had a coughing fit. I threw up more feathers right there on his bedroom floor. We cleaned them up and I threw the talon away in the trash outside. I’m exhausted, and still terrified to sleep.
Saturday, October 2nd
There are feathers growing out of my arms and legs. I have hidden them as best I can by wearing long sleeves despite the Accra heat, but I don’t know how long I can keep this secret. My fingernails are darkening and have grown a lot. It’s a bit more difficult to write. I find myself staring hungrily at the sparrows outside and losing track of time. Mama is at one of her jobs, and I’ve shut myself in my room, under the blankets to block out the sunlight which has started to hurt my eyes.
Junior can’t stop crying. I can hear him now in the room next door. I am starving but I can’t get myself to eat anything at home. The sun will set soon so I’ll go outside to get some air. I can’t stay in my room forever.
Friday October 8th
My sister has been missing for a week. I found her journal in her room the day after she left. When I read about how much she suffered, I felt horrible because I know it was my fault. I should never have bought the talon. This journal and I are the only ones who know the truth, and I think she was right; I can’t tell Mama. Her prayer circle is outside, speaking their funny language to bring her back. I don’t think that will work, but a part of me hopes it does.
I made a mousetrap with a bottle and a coathanger and have been leaving mice on her window sill every night. I usually fall asleep long before morning, but last night I managed to stay awake and saw a huge gray owl swoop down and snatch it. I like to believe that Afia is coming to visit, but I don’t think I will ever know.
